.

.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Entitlement

Sometimes we need reminders. We need subtle or not so subtle taps on the shoulder or better yet, slaps in the face. Those things that wake us up in our selfish world and highlight our blessings. This era in which I'm raising my kids encourages selfish pity parties. You're ENTITLED to whine. You're entitled to a rotten disposition. It is an EASY thing to be a negative person. It is an EASY thing to find something to complain about. It's easy to go to that place, but once you're there it drains so much life out of you and everyone around you!!! Don't let yourself go there. It's such a waste of precious time and energy.

A couple of weeks ago, I had my first "selfish pity party" up here in the woods. It was Evan's day off and he had been out all morning hunting. It had been a pretty stressful day with the boys. Jackson is a three year old yet still adjusting to his needy teething (all four two year molars at the same time) little brother. With no one to visit and no one to invite over and an absent husband in the middle of hunting season...there was no one to help alleviate some of the stress.

I've mentioned Evan's passion for everything outdoors before in other posts. He loves to be outside. Loves to trap, hunt, fish. Soooo when you enjoy something, you like to spend your time doing that on days off and in your free time. When animals are trapped...they need to be cleaned, skinned, and stretched. The process is very time consuming. Much more time consuming than I would like. This was not the first time in our 7 years of being together that I felt jealousy toward his time with animals. Dead or alive.

Every stay at home Mom knows...that after a full day spent with the kiddos, an hour of alone time at the end of the day can feel like a spa day and a shopping spree and a gourmet meal all at the same time. That is, if you don't fall asleep in the first five minutes of that alone time. Sometimes I miss reading. I love to read. Some days I miss being able to sit down for hours on end to just read and then read some more. For my 25th birthday Evan bought me some very Warden wife appropriate books. My Life in the Maine Woods by Annette Jackson, Here If You Need Me by Kate Braestrup, Massacre Pond by Paul Doiron, and Nine Mile Bridge by Helen Hamlin. I've started reading all of them but have only finished one.

After having my little diva moment, Evan packed up and took Jack to go check traps. Andrew went down for a long nap and I sat down on the couch and opened up Here If You Need Me for the first time. Let me tell you, I haven't cried so hard in a long, long time. What an emotional roller coaster it is!!! I'm not sure any book has ever made me bawl hysterically on one page and laugh hysterically on the next. Being a wife and a mom and a fairly new member to this law enforcement life....this book hit home. It captured some of my biggest fears and some of my loudest thoughts. This book was my slap in the face. It was the interruption of my little pity party.

I sat on that couch and bawled like a baby for a full 90 minutes or so. When Evan got home and opened the door, he stopped mid step with his eyes wide and said, "What happened??? What is wrong??"
I am well aware that at this point in time, I was a wreck!! I held up the book and said,
"It's this damn book you bought me!!!" I ran to him and gave him a huge hug and a sloppy sad faced kiss and told him he could hunt and trap and live in the woods...he could do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted!!!

After you read the book, you'll know why I said that to Evan. Any sense of entitlement I felt that day flew out the window. I felt guilty for some of the negative thoughts that had crept into my head that day. Guess what....I'm not entitled!!! I have two beautiful, healthy, growing little boys. I have an amazing, patient, loving, and supportive spouse whom I'm lucky enough to call my best friend. I am thankful.

Kate Braestrup is the chaplain for the Maine Warden Service. I look forward to meeting her one day. :)
 

Order it. It's amazing.

20 comments:

  1. You are quite a woman, enjoy the extraordinary journey you are taking......

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm working on a list for my next trip to the bookstore (100 miles) and will add Kate's book. I'm reading My Life in the Maine Woods now. She was a very interesting woman.

    Good for you for pulling yourself out of the pity party. Do you have a friend who'll come to visit for a while? That might help!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just replying to all these, Robin. We have nice breaks where we go home to visit friends and family. My parents have been up to visit several times and are very envious! :)

      Delete
  3. Beautiful story Rianne...you are wise beyond your years!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I really enjoy reading these. Although I am sure it is difficult up there it's a wonderful learning experience for all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wouldn't say that there are DAYS when I think I'm going to lose my mind but there are certainly moments!! People say to me all the time...don't you get bored up there? Anyone with two boys under the age of 4 knows....that life is anything but boring! :) Glad you're enjoying it! :)

      Delete
  5. You are an amazing young lady!! I am enjoying your blog.....thanks for sharing your life!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Rianne I so enjoy reading your blog you write beautifully and everyone can feel the emotions in these stories. Please keep writing whenever you find the time you are an amazing young woman

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Glenn!!! I'm so glad you're enjoying them. I'll keep em coming! :)

      Delete
  7. When I lived in Pittsfield, Kate was our minister - and a dear friend. I completely agree with you - her book is a MUST read and you should not pass up any opportunity to meet her. She is sent from heaven...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's awesome!! I did not know that! Absolutely love what you've been putting into the town....I am sad that I missed the parade and all the exciting events. We are hoping to be able to be there for all of it next year! <3

      Delete
  8. I so look forward to your posts, and your astute observations about today's self-absorbed, entitled society were well-said. I hope that you'll find some time to wallow in books this winter--you surely deserve it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's awesome!!! Glad you're enjoying it. :) And I am HOPING for some time for book reading too. Snow storm up here today and it was perfect reading weather!

      Delete
  9. Hey Rianne - Love your blog and your story. If your interested and you may not be - I am a development TV producer at Crybaby Media in NYC and you are perfect for our latest show! Here is the blurb below that we have been sending out. If you have any interest in hearing more - please email me at bryan@crybaby-media.com or call 732.673.2456

    ___________________
    Hello!

    Random email here. I am a TV producer at Crybaby media always on the hunt for new shows. Currently we are looking for people who spend a lot of time working and living alone! Their job requires it! Think Jack Nicholson in the Shining..... without the dark twist. Maybe you and your wife are house sitting a mansion in a summer community on the off season, perhaps you man a lighthouse 50 miles off the coast of Maine, or maybe you are in the middle of the woods - because you are keeping watch. Winter keepers, fire lookouts etc.....

    Whatever it is, we want to hear what this solitary type lifestyle is like. We want to hear your story!! If interested, please email bryan@crybaby-media.com anytime and we will be in touch! Or if this isn't you, but you know would would be perfect - send this to them!! We'll talk to anyone and everyone!

    Thanks and look forward to speaking!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I have met Kate and she is just as lovely as you can imagine. Our stories of sudden loss of a spouse and figuring out life afterwards are very similar. She is truly my hero.

    ReplyDelete